Is He the Marrying Kind?

When the singles scene ceases to be as fun as it used to be, a man is ripe for the real commitment of marriage. As you meet men, listen for clues that they have reached this point in their life. Watch their actions, too—they are the best barometer of a person’s inner world. A man weary of the round of singles activities is much closer to desiring one woman for life than his still-party-hearty brethren.

3. Look for Men Whose Biological Clocks Are Ticking

A caveat to this point:  One of the main complaints Christian single women lob against single men is that they put off marrying so long that when they do finally get ready, they shop in the much-younger “market” of available women. Why? It seems obvious to say not only “because they can” but because of this very point that Molloy makes: they want to become fathers, and a younger woman is the more likely candidate to provide them that.

4. Look for Diamonds in the Rough

Molloy and his team of researchers talked to dozens of men in their late thirties and early forties who had given up on the idea of marrying. Most lacked one of three things, he reports:  looks, height, or social skills.

Greenwald, author of Find a Husband After 35, concurs—and she expounds on the idea in her chapter titled “Market Expansion:  Cast a Wider Net.” Simply put, casting a wider net means looking for a husband who may not be the type you’ve always imagined. Looking for a diamond in the rough means you start looking at the single Christian men in your sphere with a new eye—an eye open to possibilities. Averse to bald heads? Consider that in this day and age the shaved head look is in, so naturally bald men have a step up on the ladder. Insist on a skillful conversationalist? Try carrying the thread of the conversation the first few times until he’s warmed up to your presence. Sometimes the quiet, shy types hide a wonderful dry wit that only those closest to them get to know.

It’s not uncommon to hear happily married couples tell funny stories about how they met—she didn’t even notice him at first; he annoyed her with his boisterous sense of humor; she blended in with the other girls at the singles function until someone casually mentioned a topic she loved, and she lit up, taking him with her. These little nuances are the stuff of true love, and we limit ourselves by adhering to a strict list of “must have” qualities.

What About Good Friends?

Another way of restating this point about mining diamonds in the rough is to reassess your options, as one writer puts it. Instead of just palling around with men forever, take a serious look at the guys in your “just friends” category and consider who might be a good husband, a caring partner, and a potential dad (if that’s important to you).

I have to tell you there’s really something to this. In my own college-aged singles group (many moons ago) quite a few male/female fellowship group leaders wound up getting married. Of course, they never intended for anything to happen. But in the course of working side by side to build a lively Bible study or busy social calendar, they bonded as friends first—and then fell in love.

There’s a lot to be said for relationships that are grounded on friendship first. If you do make the leap to marriage, once the dry spells set in (as they always do) you’ll have your genuine liking for the other person—your friendship—to fall back on.