Love, But Not “In Love”

If your spouse is involved with someone else, you can walk away if you wish. However, if you desire saving your marriage, seek help, no matter how hopeless it may seen. For example, our success rate when working with couples in trouble is that three out of four couples stay married and make their relationship stronger if they attend my workshop. I encourage couples to come even when one of them is "madly in love" with another. It's fascinating to watch God's process that saves three-fourths of those marriages. And, yes, we have the same success rate even if your spouse doesn't want to be there. If the two of you go through three days with us, you have a great chance to save your marriage and make it good again. If not us, then find someone who can help.

Do not let your marriage die. Most can be resurrected when love has lost its way.

If you say, "I'm not in love with you."

If you are in a relationship with someone else...

If you are already in a relationship with someone that you do not have a right to, we know that you will not end it as long as you can justify it in your mind through whatever rationalization you can muster. Rationalizations are lies you tell yourself. Like all lies, the consequences are bitter.

Be honest with yourself and stop:

• Bringing up your spouse's failings or shortcomings to justify your involvement with another, (no one's sins justify you sinning)
• Claiming that God brought you and your paramour together (He doesn't violate His own commands about adultery and undefiled marriage beds),
• Telling yourself that as long as you don't cross a certain barrier until you are divorced you are not doing anything wrong (admit that this is a game where you try to manipulate God by following the "letter of the law" while ignoring the "spirit of the law"),

Overcome your own desires and live by integrity.

Integrity is giving up everyone and everything for this rare jewel; I did what was right.

If you are not in a relationship with someone else...

If you are not in a relationship with another, please consider your vulnerability. Not you, you say? "If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall." (1 Cor 10:12)

Rather than living in misery and being susceptible to temptations, fix your marriage now. If your spouse doesn't want to, then be strong enough to insist. Make yourself heard. Clearly explain your misery, danger, and potential future. Involve your pastor, your spouse's family, your kids (if old enough), or whatever it takes. If you ignore the situation, it will get worse.

Falling in love is a process. Follow the process and you fall in love whether you mean to or not. Vacate or violate the process and you fall out of love whether you mean to or not. You can be in love again. Anyone can follow the LovePath at any time in life, no matter what state they are in now or what has occurred previously.

If you are no longer "in love" with your spouse, or yours spouse is no longer "in love" with you, act now, before it is too late.

Joe Beam founded Love Path International (http://www.lovepathinternational.com), an organization whose mission is to save marriage relationships even in cases of affairs, anger, dishonesty, loss of passion and other marriage problems. Joe and Love Path International provide marriage help (http://www.marriagehelper.com) to couples who are in danger of separation or divorce.