Encouraging Spiritual Growth in Your Marriage

As we’ve said many times before, a marriage is really a relationship of three: God, your spouse, and you. When your spouse’s spiritual connection isn’t in place, your entire relationship suffers. That’s why we want to coach you on something that’s vital to your marriage relationship: Encouraging your spouse’s personal spiritual growth.

Guys: In First Peter we find a clear statement of how crucial your role is not only to your own spiritual life but also to your marriage relationship:

"In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)

Spiritual intimacy may take several forms, but here’s it looks like from a wife’s perspective:

•    her husband’s own spiritual growth

•    their shared spiritual growth as husband and wife

•    her communication with her husband about spiritual matters

•    her husband’s spiritual leadership in the home

Your wife longs to experience the fulfillment that comes from knowing you love God and are willing to serve Him by being an effective husband and father. So as you strengthen your relationship with God and take on your God-given role in the home, you will help her strengthen her relationship with God and with you.

Ladies: Your husband, like every other Christian, needs to be growing spiritually. He needs spiritual connection – with God, with you, and with other believers. And one of the key dimensions of his spiritual life is the spiritual leadership he must provide. And here’s the thing you really have to understand: Being the spiritual leader of your family is the toughest job your husband will ever take on. Why? Because in order to do it, he must reject everything the culture teaches him about his masculinity.

If a man is going to lead his family, he must humble himself and follow God. There are two challenges in that statement: to lead and to follow. Both are tough. If your husband is going to stand strong in his faith and fulfill God’s plan for his life as husband and father, he needs you. He wasn’t designed to do this alone. You are a major part of the equation in keeping your marriage spiritually on track.

We’ve said it already and we’ll say it again – God must be inextricably woven throughout your marriage relationship. Spiritual intimacy between you and your spouse is vital to help your marriage not only survive – but thrive! And if you realize that, then you should also realize how important it is that you encourage your spouse’s spiritual growth.

While you’re not ultimately responsible for your husband or wife’s growth, you can help or hinder than growth in significant ways. Encourage each other into settings where you can grow in your relationship with Christ: Bible studies, prayer groups, accountability groups, conferences. And then do what you can – such as providing child care – to allow your spouse to take advantage of these opportunities.

Here some specific ways to encourage your spouse’s spiritual growth:

Encourage personal time in prayer and Bible study. What should you pray for when you get alone with God? Wives, pray for your husbands,; pray daily that God would give them wisdom, strength, knowledge, and power to overcome temptation. Pray for areas where they need help and guidance. Pray for areas where you disagree, and ask God to reveal His plan for both of you. Husbands, pray for God’s help. Ask God to reveal ways you can create more meaning and value for your wives. Earnestly seek God’s insight and leadership as you learn new ways to express your love to them. Tell your wives you are praying for them, and encourage them by sharing what you’re learning. You should study the Bible daily for yourselves. But you can double your insight by sharing what you learn with your spouses. 

Encourage participation in fellowship and worship. Weekly involvement with a body of believers is what Christian community is all about. You and your spouse need to have regular contact with people whom you can know and who can know you. Hebrews 10:25 says, “Let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other.” Make sure you and your spouse stay involved, even if it requires some creative scheduling.

Encourage expression of spiritual gifts. The gifts of the Spirit are the special abilities God gives all believers to do his work in the world. God has chosen to involve us in the building of his kingdom. “We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10) Each of us should use our unique gifts for the Kingdom of God and we should encourage our spouses to do the same.

So, here’s the drill today. When it comes to your spouse’s relationship with Jesus Christ, what helps him or her grow? What makes your mate tick spiritually? And what does your spouse do as a result of his or her faith? How does your mate express his or her own spiritual commitment? Notice what it takes to help your spouse’s faith grow, and then encourage your spouse to pursue those activities. Everyone’s spiritual growth rhythms are different. Find out what charges your mate’s batteries, and then do what you can to keep them charged.

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Portions of this article were adapted from "6 Secrets to a Lasting Love," Copyright 2006 and "The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women," Copyright 2000 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights reserved.  Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., www.tyndale.com.  To order this resource or to find our more about Dr. Gary and Barb – Your Marriage Coaches, visit www.drgaryandbarb.com or call 1-888-608-COACH. 

Married over 30 years, the parents of two adult daughters and five grandchildren, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, your marriage coaches, have a unique blend of insight and wisdom that touch people of all ages. Together with Gary's 25,000 hours of counseling experience and Barbara's gift of encouragement and biblical teaching, they are equipping thousands of families across the nation through their interactive daily radio program, conferences, and marriage and family.